I Cannot Stay with You, I Cannot Leave

Sequel to the previous.


THE REST OF IT GOES HERE

I Cannot Stay With You, I Cannot Leave
Remembering Beckett and all things not coming
Save the usual attacks from everywhere and nowhere.
It’s freezing beyond your walls
And it’s freezing within.
Godot and peace my dear, not coming.
Childhood again, not coming.
What tender things can we say to each other
All misconstrued to hate and breakup
And inability to breakup?
I want to hear you sing again your little morning song.
“I’m the prettiest girl in the whole wide world,
Ain’t nothing gonna stop me now . . .”
I have to get going.
I have a life somewhere I remember.
You are my life and I am lost.
I have to kiss your neck.
I can’t.
Sweet milk neck.
God help me now.
The wind like crazy Beethoven howling out of tune
In the bricks and my heart has lost its wisdom.
Is that what befell Solomon?
Lust-muddled fool forgetting the heart’s gold.
He slipped into madness and God did not help him.
All that helps not damns from a place of absence.
You blossoming rose.
I shriveling vine.
I want to die. I cannot.
We’ve scalded ourselves with a substance called love,
And we’ve been swimming in love’s falsity, and look--
These are the scars, but they didn’t have to be.
Forgive me, I was a child once,
Entity, aflame, seeking the same.
The frost makes love to the rose and knows not the murder.
Waiting, waiting--we have not murdered yet.
Black day snarls hungry.
I bring you a beer and I am afraid.
I have forgotten the mother’s love
Which is the substance I used to swim in, and look--
This is the healed me, photo in a dusty book.
All that has followed didn’t have to be.
I was a child once and once I understood.
Forgive me but maybe you shouldn’t,
And hide, hide that sweet milk neck
For my heart has lost its wisdom.