Ch. 12: Kook Talk 4

Ineluctable modality of bullshit! Thanks, James Joyce, Joseph Campbell, etc.


THE REST OF IT GOES HERE
CHAPTER 12: KOOK TALK 4

“Hey, I’m back guys,” Gilbert said. No-But was muttering unintelligibly. The
Mayor was scribbling in his notebook, and scowling. “Uh, story time over?”
No-But slammed his fist on the table. “This kook thinks dolphins make crop
circles. He thinks pigeons work for Globeland Security. He’s crazy.”
The Mayor’s pen moved in furious loops and lines. Gilbert sat down. “Maybe
his experience of dolphins and pigeons is different than yours.”
No-But’s face reddened. He was drinking beer now. “He thinks humans were
genitally manipulated by shape-shifting Reptilians!”

Guimond/LIVIN’ IN THE LAST DAYS 55

“What?” Gilbert feigned a gasp. “They fondled us? I think the Mayor meant to
say ‘genetically manipulated’, but dude, calm down. It’s just a story.”
“Here!” the Mayor said. “Finished!” and held up a drawing of a well rendered
chimpanzee with an open mouth, around which little wavy squiggles indicated the motion
of speech. From the mouth a conversation bubble extended like an upside down teardrop
within which the following was written: No but only bananas for me! No but only
bananas for you! In all capital letters, at the top of the page, was this message: CIV-
ILIZED MAN IS INSTRUCTED ABOUT REALITY VIA THE SIMIAN RANTINGS OF
NARROW-MINDED SELF-PROCLAIMED PEDAGOGUES. On the far right side of the
page was a sketch of confused- and bored-looking children seated behind desks with trails
of steam rising from their heads which flowed into another message: We never had a
chance to think for ourselves.
Gilbert snickered into his hand. No-But straightened in his chair and puffed out his
chest. “You callin’ me a monkey?”
“Yeah,” said the Mayor, slurring slightly and rolling another cigarette. “A monkey
with no imagination. It’s tragic. So much potential, wasted.”
“Yeah, asshole. Well you’re as stupid as the goddamn pigeons.”
The cigarette was now in the Mayor’s mouth. “Smarter than you are.”