Ch 11! Interminable kookery!

The first draft alone took a year. I guess I should finish it before I die.


THE REST OF IT GOES HERE

CHAPTER 11: KOOK TALK 3

Gilbert left kook’s corner and stepped into the narrow area behind the counter,
calling, “Champ? Champ!” No answer. No customers. No employees. Worst business
ever. “Champ!” Gilbert stepped into the back room and turned on the light. “Oh, hey
guys--there you are.” Champ sat on a milk crate, making out with Melanie, who straddled
his lap and moaned. “Uh, where’d the kid go?” Gilbert said.

Guimond/LIVIN’ IN THE LAST DAYS 52

Melanie, without breaking lip contact gave Gilbert a sidelong glance, saying
“Mmm?” and kept on kissing.
Goddamnit! Gilbert thought. I’m no baby sitter. I hate babies!
Why don’t you be a good human being, and find the girl?
What? Where’ve you been? Gilbert entered the main seating area, looking around
and beneath the unclean tables.
Pluming the depths of the collective of course. You know I won’t manifest while you’re
with others. I’m a solitary goad.
Gilbert, nearing the maintenance closet, called out, “Meredith--come out, come
out, wherever you are.” Look, goad or god or whatever you are, tell me: what says the
collective?
Trouble.
Gilbert opened the closet door and stared with rising panic at bulk supplies of
toilet paper, light bulbs, and Brawny paper towels. “Meredith? Have you gone to a better
dimension?” He shut the door. Trouble? Is it the dol-
Stirrings behind him. Sudden jostling of plastic. Gilbert spun around and faced a
wide-mouthed garbage bin. From over the rim’s horizon platinum tufts of hair bounced in
and out of view. Mommy sucks, but at least you’re not lost, Gilbert thought and peered
within. And gasped.
“Meredith? Oh my God.”
Squiggling in the damp filth of coffee grounds and yakisoba noodles, the child
moaned through clenched teeth. Gilbert held his arms out. “C’mon Meredith! That’s

Guimond/LIVIN’ IN THE LAST DAYS 53

a yucky playpen. Yucky. Yucky?” Meredith bounced up and stretched her arms out to
him. In one fist she gripped a partially eaten Italian sausage. Her other fist, entirely black-
ened with coffee grounds, clutched noodles, coated with soy sauce, which danced like
freshly unearthed night crawlers with every jerk and shake. But what the fuck’s in your
mouth? It’s purple. It’s saturated. It’s. Gilbert gently reached out and grasped it while
patting the child’s hair with the other. A little mouse’s tail protruded from one side of the
object, and was glued to the little girl’s cheek. Gilbert gave a careful tug. “Let it go,
honey. Let go of the bad thing.” Meredith clamped down. Blood trickled onto her chin.
Oh my fucking Christ! It’s a tampon! Gilbert seized the child under the armpits
and lifted her out. “Champ!” he yelled. “Melanie!” Gilbert waited for a few seconds, and
when no response came he crouched down to the child’s eye level and forced a smile.
“Meredith,” Gilbert said in singsong baby-talk register. “I’m your new uncle Gilbert, and
we’re gonna play a game. The game is called, uh.”
Meredith batted her platinum eyelashes and continued to bite down. Her thin
parenthetical lips dripped lavender.
I’m so sorry you sprung into this shit-hole from a whore’s womb. “The game is
called--tickle monster!” Gilbert’s fingers kneaded, fluttered and fondled the little girl’s rib
cage, stomach and underarms. “Tickle, tickle, tickle monster!” The flurry of tickling
continued until Meredith burst into a seizure of laughter, and the tampon plopped onto the
floor. Gilbert picked it up by the tail and took the child’s hand. “Good girl. Now let’s
see how mommy and uncle Champy are doing.”
“Uncuh Camey,” she said, cleaning her lips with her little rosy tongue.

Guimond/LIVIN’ IN THE LAST DAYS 54

“Uncuh Camey indeed,” Gilbert said, and led the child to the back room.
Meredith burst into a stumbling sprint at the sight of her mother, who was still
straddling and tonguing Champ, except now her pink blouse lay in a heap behind her on
the beer-damp floor. “Ma ma, ma ma,” Meredith cried, pulling the thin white bra strap
several inches back before letting go. Snap!
“Ouch!” Melanie jumped off of Champ’s lap, and covered the cups of her bra at
the sight of Gilbert.
“You know I really despise allopathic medicine,” Gilbert said. “But in your case I
think it’s necessary. Call a doctor and get your tubes tied. This was in your child’s
mouth.” Gilbert wiggled the tampon by its tail and whipped it at Melanie. She reflex-
ively raised her hands, but it didn’t help. The tampon smacked between her paltry cleav-
age with a wet thud, and stuck there. “Your welcome tiny tits,” Gilbert said, turning
away. Now for chrissakes, try to be a better mother!” Champ’s full-bellied laughter
echoed in Gilbert’s ears as he headed back to kook’s corner.