Worthless

Be mean to me.
Use me.
Use your power over me 
so that I
cannot leave you,
or love myself.

Berate me till I feel
trapped,
and anxious,
and need your
approval.

Till I dread
the good things
and the bad
with equal vigor:
knowing that our misery
will end up
my inevitable
fault.

Show me continuously,
that I am
fallible.

Warm me, when it profits you,
or when you are moved
to do so,
by whatever force
guides you.

Render me helpless,
so I cannot love you
as I want,
or make you love me
as you should.

Control me, so that I
agonize over each joy
I take
that steals even a moment
away from you.

Deny me warmth.
Deny me sex.
Deny me the joys of being
a woman,
a mother,
and a mate.

Make my every wish,
a trial.
A betrayal of you,
or the sanctity
of our union.

A symbol of
my lack of faith in,
or lack of trust in
you…

Blatantly use me,
and then make me
defend you
to avoid fighting
all the way home.

Kill my desires
to improve
myself.

Stifle my attempts
to flourish.

Remind me that I can do
nothing
without you.

That I can be nothing
more than
your fuck-toy and
underling;

second-best,
or not even
in the running.

Humiliate me,
and leave it all
in my head,
and then label it
'low
self-esteem'.

Make your opinion of me,
my opinion:
so you can feel secure,
and I can feel
worthless.