Dark Night (2nd Draft)

For St. John of the Cross. "Depression" is too clinical a word.


THE REST OF IT GOES HERE
Dark Night
the universe gets its kicks when I get gloomy
she sticks the sun deep into her pocket
snaps her fingers and it rains on me
I get cold always in this relentless present
I can’t call anyone and talk about it
I’m cold, I have 50 friends I can’t lift the phone
the universe bares her breasts, glorious, scary
I can’t take a shower I can’t lift the page
from my stack to get to the words I need to get to
next week is too far, I can’t walk to that sunny land
I am a circle of suffering I don’t know how to move
in a straight line anymore cold bared breast
of universe I am not allowed to suck I am
3 packs of cigarettes a day hungry
still hungry I sit in the rain, the sun has left
crumbs in another cage, unlocked, open as mine
but I can’t move from this miserable chair
the radio said it’s a beautiful day, better enjoy it
tomorrow is rain I say to the radio today is rain
you don’t speak for me! you don’t speak for my
suffering loves, friends, 50--each with a dark night
time table of their own--stabbed in the side,
hung on the cross is each, each in our own time
and the hieroglyphs of tears is all I can write
in this time of rain, cold sun stuffed in a pocket
I ask the universe nicely, please, please sunshine
on my face like when I was a child, playful child
I wanna play again, again in the sun, a new god
at play unworried no cross no cold just I wanna be--
please can I have that again just 5 minutes please
the universe says its not personal, you take
everything so personal, just change the way you think
if a man doesn’t work a man shouldn’t eat
it’s not personal, why don’t you take a shower?
I look long upon the beautiful unused bar of soap
I think, those were the days: sunshine, timeless play
now is time, now is dark night
If I get through this I’ll read these words to my friends
my place of timeless play, naked, stage,
sunshine [tick tock] till time finds me