[i need some more] Anesthetic

I wasn't wrong--
however much it hurts,
I still have that.

I'm tired,
I don't want to fight anymore,
despite the foulness
of what creeps in
when I let down my guard.

Yes, I feel it,
but care in the way
an apathetic ape would--
not at all.

The pain is no worse
than the rage,
and the smiles mean as much--
which is nothing.

I'm seeping away
through the cracks in my skin,
and it matters less
with every passing moment,
every drip-drip-drop
of splashing emotion
that leaks through my pores--

and I'll tell you...
it almost feels good.